It has taken me sometime to write another post.

There has been a barrier in my life and relationship with Christ. I have finally identified the problem and have come to terms with myself. I have idolized relationships. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships but friendships as well. I put them both before God in my everyday life and did not even realize my fault.

Here is my attempt to put into words what I have learned and gone through.

I recently got out of a relationship I thought was going well and was of God. I still do believe it was God's will because of what I learned. To me, it ended prematurely... to me. I was broken hearted and discouraged. Tears where inevitable and I tried my hardest not to feel deserted. But I did feel as if God was playing with my heart. But then I started to read a book called "Boy Meets Girl- say hello to courtship" I learned the difference between passion and wisdom, versus passion and foolishness. I was the worst of the two.

" In proverbs, foolishness is portrayed as a wicked seductress who lures her victims with the offer of romantic and sexual pleasures devoid of responsibility. 'Come, let's drink deep of love till morning,' she says,'Lets enjoy ourselves with love!' (proverbs 7:18) This is how foolishness works. It calls us to enjoy ourselves without concern for the good of others. It seeks intimacy without obligation."

This scared me. I didn't want to be like the seductress. I want to be smart about love. I don't want another undefined romantic relationship. I want there to be a purpose, Marriage. This is the part where I discovered my idols. Why am I not ready for marriage? Because I don't put God first and it probably not my time yet. I'm still learning and growing.

Culturally, Girls are told that without a man in their lives... they are incomplete. We think that we need that companionship and cannot find the feelings of love with out a boyfriend. What what is love without God? He is the one that placed the emotion in our hearts. The one that loves us more then is even comprehenable. The only love that is really needed it that of God's. It the only thing that can sustain us and teach us how to love. It goes back to 1 Cor 13:4-8

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails."

That's God's love right there and how we should love. I was putting love and relationships on a pedestal and it was on my mind constantly. I have identified the problem and I am taking action. So here is where I am... learning to love God and put him first in everything I do, think, and live.
That's all for now. More of what I have learned will come soon. I just want to let it marinade on the this page for you and myself for a while.